Sunday, February 23, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
A Parental Wake-Up Call: Yelling Doesn't Help
A Parental Wake-Up Call: Yelling Doesn't Help
problems associated with physical punishment are well known, but even
parents who would never dream of hitting their kids may still resort to
shouting at them when they are pushed to the limit. A study conducted by
the University of Pittsburgh and University of Michigan, published by Child Development,
finds that the fallout from this kind of harsh verbal discipline is
actually far greater than parents may suspect. Parents who yell at
their kids may need to rethink their discipline strategies.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Friday, January 24, 2014
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Your Newborn: 30 Tips on Feeding, Soothing, and More for the First 30 Days
Your Newborn: 30 Tips on Feeding, Soothing, and More for the First 30 Days
Parent-to-parent advice on feeding, soothing, and more during baby's first days at home.
finally sleeping better and going longer between feedings. She's also
becoming more alert when she's awake. My husband and I, on the other
hand, feel like we've been hit by a truck. I'm amazed that we've muddled
through. Here are tips from seasoned parents and baby experts to make
your first month easier.
job of providing you and your baby with the right equipment, in the
beginning it's almost guaranteed to be harder than you expected. From
sore nipples to tough latch-ons, nursing can seem overwhelming.
1. Women who seek help have a higher success rate. "Think of ways to ensure success before you even give birth,"
suggests Stacey Brosnan, a lactation consultant in New York City. Talk
with friends who had a good nursing experience, ask baby's pediatrician
for a lactation consultant's number, or attend a La Leche League
(nursing support group) meeting (see laleche.org to find one).
2. Use hospital resources. Kira Sexton, a Brooklyn, New York, mom, says, "I learned everything I could about breastfeeding
before I left the hospital." Ask if there's a nursing class or a
lactation consultant on staff. Push the nurse-call button each time
you're ready to feed the baby, and ask a nurse to spot you and offer
advice.
3. Prepare. At home, you'll want to drop everything to
feed the baby the moment she cries for you. But Heather O'Donnell, a mom
in New York City, suggests taking care of yourself first. "Get a glass
of water and a book or magazine to read." And, because breastfeeding can
take a while, she says, "pee first!"
4. Try a warm compress if your breasts are engorged or you
have blocked ducts. A heating pad or a warm, wet washcloth works, but a
flax pillow (often sold with natural beauty products) is even better.
"Heat it in the microwave, and conform it to your breast," says Laura
Kriska, a mom in Brooklyn, New York.
5. Heat helps the milk flow, but if your breasts are sore
after nursing, try a cold pack. Amy Hooker, a San Diego mom, says, "A
bag of frozen peas worked really well for me."
6. If you want baby to eventually take a bottle, introduce
it after breastfeeding is established but before the 3-month mark. Many
experts say 6 to 8 weeks is good, but "we started each of our kids on
one bottle a day at 3 weeks," says Jill Sizemore, a mom in Pendleton,
Indiana.
many as 16 hours of sleep a day but only in short bursts. The result:
You'll feel on constant alert and more exhausted than you ever thought
possible. Even the best of us can come to resent the severe sleep deprivation.
7. Stop obsessing about being tired. There's only one goal
right now: Care for your baby. "You're not going to get a full night's
sleep, so you can either be tired and angry or just tired," says Vicki
Lansky, author of Getting Your Child to Sleep...and Back to Sleep (Book Peddlers). "Just tired is easier."
8. Take shifts. One night it's Mom's turn to rock the
cranky baby, the next it's Dad's turn. Amy Reichardt and her husband,
Richard, parents in Denver, worked out a system for the weekends, when
Richard was off from work. "I'd be up with the baby at night but got to
sleep in. Richard did all the morning care, then got to nap later."
9. The old adage "Sleep when your baby sleeps" really is the best advice. "Take naps together and go to bed early," says Sarah Clark, a mom in Washington, D.C.
10. What if your infant has trouble sleeping? Do whatever
it takes: Nurse or rock baby to sleep; let your newborn fall asleep on
your chest or in the car seat. "Don't worry about bad habits yet. It's
about survival -- yours!" says Jean Farnham, a Los Angeles mom.
11. "The key to soothing fussy infants is to mimic the
womb. Swaddling, shushing, and swinging, as well as allowing babies to
suck and holding them on their sides, may trigger a calming reflex,"
says Harvey Karp, MD, creator of The Happiest Baby on the Block books, videos, and DVDs.
12. Play tunes. Forget the dubious theory that music makes a baby smarter, and concentrate on the fact that it's likely to calm him. "The Baby Einstein tapes saved us," says Kim Rich, a mom in Anchorage, Alaska.
13. Warm things up. Alexandra Komisaruk, a mom in Los
Angeles, found that diaper changes triggered a meltdown. "I made warm
wipes using paper towels and a pumpable thermos of warm water," she
says. You can also buy an electric wipe warmer for a sensitive baby.
14. You'll need other tricks, too. "Doing deep knee bends
and lunges while holding my daughter calmed her down," says Emily Earle,
a mom in Brooklyn, New York. "And the upside was, I got my legs back in
shape!"
15. Soak to soothe. If all else fails -- and baby's
umbilical cord stub has fallen off -- try a warm bath together. "You'll
relax, too, and a relaxed mommy can calm a baby," says Emily Franklin, a Boston mom.
may seem at a loss now that baby's here. It's up to you, Mom, to hand
the baby over and let Dad figure things out, just like you're doing.
16. Let him be. Many first-time dads hesitate to get
involved for fear of doing something wrong and incurring the wrath of
Mom. "Moms need to allow their husbands to make mistakes without
criticizing them," says Armin Brott, author of The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year (Abbeville Press).
17. Ask Dad to take time off from work -- after all
the relatives leave. That's what Thad Calabrese, of Brooklyn, New York,
did. "There was more for me to do, and I got some alone time with my
son."
18. Divvy up duties. Mark DiStefano, a dad in Los Angeles, took over the cleaning and grocery shopping. "I also took Ben for a bit each afternoon so my wife could have a little time to herself."
19. Remember that Dad wants to do some fun stuff, too. "I
used to take my shirt off and put the baby on my chest while we napped,"
say Bob Vonnegut, a dad in Islamorada, Florida. "I loved the rhythm of
our hearts beating together."
infant demands can drain you. Find ways to take care of yourself by
lowering your expectations and stealing short breaks.
20. First, ignore unwanted or confusing advice. "In the end, you're the parents, so you decide what's best," says Julie Balis, a mom in Frankfort, Illinois.
21. "Forget about housework for the first couple of months," says Alison Mackonochie, author of 100 Tips for a Happy Baby
(Barron's). "Concentrate on getting to know your baby. If anyone has
anything to say about the dust piling up or the unwashed dishes, smile
and hand them a duster or the dish detergent!"
22. Accept help from anyone who is nice -- or naive --
enough to offer. "If a neighbor wants to hold the baby while you shower,
say yes!" says Jeanne Anzalone, a mom in Croton-on-Hudson, New York.
23. Got lots of people who want to help but don't know
how? "Don't be afraid to tell people exactly what you need," says Abby
Moskowitz, a Brooklyn mom. It's one of the few times in your life when
you'll be able to order everyone around!
24. But don't give other people the small jobs. "Changing a
diaper takes two minutes. You'll need others to do time-consuming work
like cooking, sweeping floors, and buying diapers," says Catherine Park,
a Cleveland mom.
25. Reconnect. To keep yourself from feeling detached from
the world, Jacqueline Kelly, a mom in Lewisburg, Pennsylvania,
suggests: "Get outside on your own, even for five minutes."
place with a veteran mom. "Having my sister with me for support kept me
from becoming flustered the first time I went shopping with my newborn,"
says Suzanne Zook, a mom in Denver.
27. If you're on your own, "stick to places likely to
welcome a baby, such as story hour at a library or bookstore," suggests
Christin Gauss, a mom in Fishers, Indiana.
28. "Keep your diaper bag packed," says Fran Bowen, a mom in Brooklyn. There's nothing worse than finally getting the baby ready, only to find that you're not.
29. Stash a spare. Holland Brown, a mom in Long Beach,
California, always keeps a change of adult clothes in her diaper bag.
"You don't want to get stuck walking around with an adorable baby but
mustard-colored poop all over you."
30. Finally, embrace the chaos. "Keep your plans simple and be prepared to abandon them at any time," says Margi Weeks, a mom in Tarrytown, New York.
If nothing else, remember that everyone makes it through, and so
will you. Soon enough you'll be rewarded with your baby's first smile,
and that will help make up for all the initial craziness.
Heather Swain is a mother and writer in Brooklyn, New York. Her novel is Luscious Lemon (Downtown Press).
Originally published in American Baby magazine, May 2005.
Your Newborn: 30 Tips for the First 30 Days
Breastfeeding
It's been six weeks since our daughter, Clementine, was born. She'sfinally sleeping better and going longer between feedings. She's also
becoming more alert when she's awake. My husband and I, on the other
hand, feel like we've been hit by a truck. I'm amazed that we've muddled
through. Here are tips from seasoned parents and baby experts to make
your first month easier.
Hints for Nursing
Babies eat and eat and eat. Although nature has done a pretty goodjob of providing you and your baby with the right equipment, in the
beginning it's almost guaranteed to be harder than you expected. From
sore nipples to tough latch-ons, nursing can seem overwhelming.
1. Women who seek help have a higher success rate. "Think of ways to ensure success before you even give birth,"
suggests Stacey Brosnan, a lactation consultant in New York City. Talk
with friends who had a good nursing experience, ask baby's pediatrician
for a lactation consultant's number, or attend a La Leche League
(nursing support group) meeting (see laleche.org to find one).
2. Use hospital resources. Kira Sexton, a Brooklyn, New York, mom, says, "I learned everything I could about breastfeeding
before I left the hospital." Ask if there's a nursing class or a
lactation consultant on staff. Push the nurse-call button each time
you're ready to feed the baby, and ask a nurse to spot you and offer
advice.
3. Prepare. At home, you'll want to drop everything to
feed the baby the moment she cries for you. But Heather O'Donnell, a mom
in New York City, suggests taking care of yourself first. "Get a glass
of water and a book or magazine to read." And, because breastfeeding can
take a while, she says, "pee first!"
4. Try a warm compress if your breasts are engorged or you
have blocked ducts. A heating pad or a warm, wet washcloth works, but a
flax pillow (often sold with natural beauty products) is even better.
"Heat it in the microwave, and conform it to your breast," says Laura
Kriska, a mom in Brooklyn, New York.
5. Heat helps the milk flow, but if your breasts are sore
after nursing, try a cold pack. Amy Hooker, a San Diego mom, says, "A
bag of frozen peas worked really well for me."
6. If you want baby to eventually take a bottle, introduce
it after breastfeeding is established but before the 3-month mark. Many
experts say 6 to 8 weeks is good, but "we started each of our kids on
one bottle a day at 3 weeks," says Jill Sizemore, a mom in Pendleton,
Indiana.
Sleeping
If your infant isn't eating, he's probably sleeping. Newborns log asmany as 16 hours of sleep a day but only in short bursts. The result:
You'll feel on constant alert and more exhausted than you ever thought
possible. Even the best of us can come to resent the severe sleep deprivation.
7. Stop obsessing about being tired. There's only one goal
right now: Care for your baby. "You're not going to get a full night's
sleep, so you can either be tired and angry or just tired," says Vicki
Lansky, author of Getting Your Child to Sleep...and Back to Sleep (Book Peddlers). "Just tired is easier."
8. Take shifts. One night it's Mom's turn to rock the
cranky baby, the next it's Dad's turn. Amy Reichardt and her husband,
Richard, parents in Denver, worked out a system for the weekends, when
Richard was off from work. "I'd be up with the baby at night but got to
sleep in. Richard did all the morning care, then got to nap later."
9. The old adage "Sleep when your baby sleeps" really is the best advice. "Take naps together and go to bed early," says Sarah Clark, a mom in Washington, D.C.
10. What if your infant has trouble sleeping? Do whatever
it takes: Nurse or rock baby to sleep; let your newborn fall asleep on
your chest or in the car seat. "Don't worry about bad habits yet. It's
about survival -- yours!" says Jean Farnham, a Los Angeles mom.
Soothing
It's often hard to decipher exactly what baby wants in the first murky weeks. You'll learn, of course, by trial and error.11. "The key to soothing fussy infants is to mimic the
womb. Swaddling, shushing, and swinging, as well as allowing babies to
suck and holding them on their sides, may trigger a calming reflex,"
says Harvey Karp, MD, creator of The Happiest Baby on the Block books, videos, and DVDs.
12. Play tunes. Forget the dubious theory that music makes a baby smarter, and concentrate on the fact that it's likely to calm him. "The Baby Einstein tapes saved us," says Kim Rich, a mom in Anchorage, Alaska.
13. Warm things up. Alexandra Komisaruk, a mom in Los
Angeles, found that diaper changes triggered a meltdown. "I made warm
wipes using paper towels and a pumpable thermos of warm water," she
says. You can also buy an electric wipe warmer for a sensitive baby.
14. You'll need other tricks, too. "Doing deep knee bends
and lunges while holding my daughter calmed her down," says Emily Earle,
a mom in Brooklyn, New York. "And the upside was, I got my legs back in
shape!"
15. Soak to soothe. If all else fails -- and baby's
umbilical cord stub has fallen off -- try a warm bath together. "You'll
relax, too, and a relaxed mommy can calm a baby," says Emily Franklin, a Boston mom.
Getting Dad Involved
Your husband, who helped you through your pregnancy,may seem at a loss now that baby's here. It's up to you, Mom, to hand
the baby over and let Dad figure things out, just like you're doing.
16. Let him be. Many first-time dads hesitate to get
involved for fear of doing something wrong and incurring the wrath of
Mom. "Moms need to allow their husbands to make mistakes without
criticizing them," says Armin Brott, author of The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year (Abbeville Press).
17. Ask Dad to take time off from work -- after all
the relatives leave. That's what Thad Calabrese, of Brooklyn, New York,
did. "There was more for me to do, and I got some alone time with my
son."
18. Divvy up duties. Mark DiStefano, a dad in Los Angeles, took over the cleaning and grocery shopping. "I also took Ben for a bit each afternoon so my wife could have a little time to herself."
19. Remember that Dad wants to do some fun stuff, too. "I
used to take my shirt off and put the baby on my chest while we napped,"
say Bob Vonnegut, a dad in Islamorada, Florida. "I loved the rhythm of
our hearts beating together."
Staying Sane
No matter how excited you are to be a mommy, the constant care aninfant demands can drain you. Find ways to take care of yourself by
lowering your expectations and stealing short breaks.
20. First, ignore unwanted or confusing advice. "In the end, you're the parents, so you decide what's best," says Julie Balis, a mom in Frankfort, Illinois.
21. "Forget about housework for the first couple of months," says Alison Mackonochie, author of 100 Tips for a Happy Baby
(Barron's). "Concentrate on getting to know your baby. If anyone has
anything to say about the dust piling up or the unwashed dishes, smile
and hand them a duster or the dish detergent!"
22. Accept help from anyone who is nice -- or naive --
enough to offer. "If a neighbor wants to hold the baby while you shower,
say yes!" says Jeanne Anzalone, a mom in Croton-on-Hudson, New York.
23. Got lots of people who want to help but don't know
how? "Don't be afraid to tell people exactly what you need," says Abby
Moskowitz, a Brooklyn mom. It's one of the few times in your life when
you'll be able to order everyone around!
24. But don't give other people the small jobs. "Changing a
diaper takes two minutes. You'll need others to do time-consuming work
like cooking, sweeping floors, and buying diapers," says Catherine Park,
a Cleveland mom.
25. Reconnect. To keep yourself from feeling detached from
the world, Jacqueline Kelly, a mom in Lewisburg, Pennsylvania,
suggests: "Get outside on your own, even for five minutes."
Out and About with Baby
26. Enlist backup. Make your first journey to a big, publicplace with a veteran mom. "Having my sister with me for support kept me
from becoming flustered the first time I went shopping with my newborn,"
says Suzanne Zook, a mom in Denver.
27. If you're on your own, "stick to places likely to
welcome a baby, such as story hour at a library or bookstore," suggests
Christin Gauss, a mom in Fishers, Indiana.
28. "Keep your diaper bag packed," says Fran Bowen, a mom in Brooklyn. There's nothing worse than finally getting the baby ready, only to find that you're not.
29. Stash a spare. Holland Brown, a mom in Long Beach,
California, always keeps a change of adult clothes in her diaper bag.
"You don't want to get stuck walking around with an adorable baby but
mustard-colored poop all over you."
30. Finally, embrace the chaos. "Keep your plans simple and be prepared to abandon them at any time," says Margi Weeks, a mom in Tarrytown, New York.
If nothing else, remember that everyone makes it through, and so
will you. Soon enough you'll be rewarded with your baby's first smile,
and that will help make up for all the initial craziness.
Heather Swain is a mother and writer in Brooklyn, New York. Her novel is Luscious Lemon (Downtown Press).
Originally published in American Baby magazine, May 2005.
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